The Trumping Up of Men
As always, let me start by saying, I love you and I want the best for you and because I see you that requires me to call you on your bullshit; so that you can DO better. This post specifically explains the impasse that we currently find ourselves at and why we are saying, "Enough."
Today, Trump will have been in office now for a few of weeks. Within these few weeks he has managed to undo decades of progress, ripping away the bandages from only recently dressed [addressed] wounds. I'm in agony right now. My body is holding so much grief that my chest feels like it is solidifying, as though it has lead in it. I have been trying to release it slowly and very consciously, because, I am afraid, that if I really allow myself to feel it, I might die of a broken heart; seriously.
For the majority of my life, I have taken a masculine and as such, a very logical, pragmatic, reasonable approach to my emotions, by generally denying them completely or putting them in tidy packages (for no one else in the world to see) and then turning my emotional energy into physical energy; exercising, sex, wrestling/fighting (with my Dudes), building or repairing things, yard work, you know "man" shit. While I assumed that this emotional synergy would be the pinnacle of being in relationship with me, it has never, ever, been sustainable in a relationship. They eventually want more of me or I eventually want more of them. And neither of us knew how to give of something that we had no attachment to.
I mean, I was giving everything I gave a shit about in the relationship; consistent sex, shared food, space to breathe. I didn't even understand what the fuck they were asking for anyway. What 'more'? Do I need to like sports more? That didn't work. Should I be more subservient? They just "get bored". Should we be having more sex? At my coupled peak, I was averaging 2 times daily for the entire 6 months we were seeing each other. He still cheated on me, claiming there wasn't enough "intimacy" for him.
What the fuck did that mean?! He's fucking inta-me [inside me] all of the time! I was sharing my emotions; "I am angry. I am happy" and it's not like I'm that complex anyway. There just wasn't anything else for me to offer him, there was no 'more'. My frustration in my ability to understand what "more" meant, caused me to further cement my belief in the futility of emotions and bury them even deeper.
And THIS, is where most of you Men are, right NOW.
Indeed #NotAllMen, however, I would say the vast majority of the men here in America, which I delineate because this is where I live and love you guys, do not have even a basic understanding of emotions. Like, beyond that of a child's level of comprehension and articulation, which makes it difficult for us, and in fact any oppressed group, to receive empathy [emotional space, listening, and an attempt to understand] from you guys.
And here's the thing, this same group emphatically believes itself to be far more experienced and knowledgable and capable than they [you] actually are. You guys feel and think you're superior when in reality your behavior and the amount of proficiency you're displaying is showing the opposite. Our entire system is built upon, perpetuated, and now potentially doomed by the hubris of men. It's not that there aren't Men who care to invest in learning, self improvement, emotional identification and regulation, and so on. It's that the World is run by the men that DON'T.
I don't want them to be in charge. I want the #MenThatDo to be honored for their work and dedication. I want the Men That Do to be placed upon pedestals beside me. I want the Men That Do to be the standard. I want the Men That Do to be so recognizable that you can tell them apart with a glance.
Now, I want you guys to really listen in this moment with an open heart . . . If you want to be one of the MEN THAT DO, you have to DO. You have to crack multiple books, watch many videos, seek many sources on each topic and put in the same work you require of everyone but, yourselves.
It's not okay that men are deciding what women can do with their bodies and yet they don't have a basic understanding of our anatomy. It's not okay to believe you're inherently more successful than someone else without examining the privileges and inequities that may have gotten you there. It's not okay to push for religious recognition and respect for your holidays when the majority of your religious practices were taken from those you denounce. It's not okay to treat others as though you know what the fuck you are talking about, if you clearly do not. It's not okay to not educate, improve, and elevate yourself, anymore.
Men, those that are in control, this shit stain avatar that is the head of a very ugly snake, our new "leader" will remain in control and you slaves to their agenda if you do not start admitting your limitations. The New World will need Men that are empirical, heuristic, conscious, and that are always seeking the next step of evolution.
We are in the Information Age and it is literally at your fingertips with such consistency that it is included in your toilet time; there is absolutely no excuse for you to not know or at least consistently attempt to seek the information, NONE. Stop playing games and start typing random shit into the Google: "What is Empathy?" "Racial Inequities" "Inequity vs Inequality" "Feminism for dads" "Why do Black Lives Matter?" "How to improve my relationship" "Emotional intelligence" "Sexuality vs Gender" "How to do the laundry" "Parenting Methods" "How to increase Intimacy" "Giving oral sex (you have to do this one on your own-check Nina Hartley!)" LITERALLY ANYTHING.
I mean, seriously gents, I listen to so many of you say that you 'can't' but, people with far lesser abilities and far more difficulty in life make attempts that are far greater in scope and typically succeed. So, to be frank I guess, what the fuck is your major malfunction?!
Why are you making fun of people who are "retarded" while they are attempting to learn and make progress and you simply "can't"? Why are you teasing the fat guy at the gym who is getting training on the Science of Food and Exercise and how it affects the body (which gives him more sustainability) but you're just throwing weights around in a sleeveless t-shirt and posting videos of you teasing him on instagram? Why are you attempting to emasculate the guy that has the smaller cock when in my (and many other women's) experience he is better in bed because he educated himself to compensate for his "short"-comings?
You thinking you have an ability does not mean that you do. Nor does it mean that you are better at it than someone else specifically, if they have more empirical experience or education on that topic or area than you. You don't "know stuff" just because you think you "know stuff" and we can no longer allow that to be an acceptable way for Men to move through life. It is a detriment to literally everyONE especially, YOU.
It took me a long time to understand what exactly Intimacy is and why it's important (loose attachment love style) for connection (Sex), relating (friendships and non-sex time), and most importantly my own personal growth and pleasure [intimacy = into me, I see]. I had to suffer through the pain of my ignorance over and over and over until I decided it was important enough to investigate. You guys are stationed in a position in society that you will likely never recognize nor feel the pain of it's current structure but, it's there.
It's displayed in the way you shame us for enjoying sex, chastise us for not giving it to you, AND put up literal barriers that prevent us (both men and women) from learning how to do it better (Sacred Sex), safer (Basic ACCURATE Sex Education), and more frequently (legitimize and destigmatize the Sex Work industry we all know you [men primarily] indulge in). It's the rampant Toxic Masculinity that is absolutely in every single locker room despite so many of you saying it's not; it's in the bars (assaults), the streets (catcalling), the workplace (harassment), our high schools (murder), our college campuses (rape), around the world (acid thrown in our faces, raping & murdering our children, honor killings, sex trafficking, and so much more), in the digital world (#Gamergate, cyber bullying, digital violations, threats, and stalking), inside our homes (rape culture, sexual abuse, domestic violence), within the environment (climate issues, oil, killing for sport, factory farming- it's literally everywhere (here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and also here, and here and here and definitely here and most recently right here) - it's pervasive and [obviously] excusable so we ignore the fact (and in your case maybe you don't even notice) that it happens all of the time, everywhere.
Men That Do, Men that Want to do, Men that aren't really sure what's best but, are at least opening themselves to the possibility that maybe they [you] don't know everything,
Thank you for staying with me this far. Thank you for leaning into the uncomfortable and trudging through all this shit. Thank you for asking with your effort, "How can I improve?" Thank you for hearing me (reading me) long enough to get to my ask.
Will you kindly give us your hand, help us out of this box, and allow us to free both you and ourselves from these shackles? Will you grow with us? Will you protect us so We can reconnect with Spirit and sow it back into the ground? Will you stop asking our children to go to War over anything but, Love? Will you let us love the soft places within you while you learn about the strength and courage of vulnerability? Will you sit with us and brush our hair while We melt into your safety? Will help us teach our sons and our daughters what "Real Men" look like? Will you please just trust us?
Will you just, let, us, lead, you, while you learn, a little more, about everyTHING?!
Someone that wants to help you learn SO much, I included multiple links (All linked to their source) so that an immense amount of the work (Emotional and Physical Labor) was done for you. Just linking all of those took about 2 hours and that is not including all of the hours (days) of research that it took to determine which articles would best impart to you the seriousness of my need for your help and involvement. We need you in full authenticity and that takes Soul-searching and self examination. It takes people holding you accountable for your growth.
I do not take your role in the world lightly and neither should you. You are Sacred. You are a very important part of the balance. You are needed to be a King, a Warrior, a Magician, and a Lover. We need Men that are ready. Allow yourself to be guided.
Only those ready to face the Darkness will discover their own Light.
And for those devoted few that stayed all the way to the bitter fucking end (or those of you that cheated and came to this video and skipped everything-GO BACK AND READ IT!) here is some solid advice I came across from someone that I consider to be so masculine I can smell him through the screen: Man Advice