I LOOOOOOOOOOVE MEN. I love their Bromances, their constant brutal pranking of one another, the way most of them enjoy being infantilized, even their simplistic understanding of sex; 'if I make my penis feel good, then I will cum'. I have spent my entire life essentially studying and trying to understand the behavior of Men.
Much of this drive comes from being hurt by Men throughout my life; I'm trying to understand why they did it. Men are responsible for most of my sexual, physical, psycho/emotional abuse and anguish and as a result I have an inherent fear of men. They are also the only species to ever make me feel safe; no woman, animal, or tree in nature has ever made me feel as secure and safe as the special and very significant Men in my life. They are each fascinating, puzzling, endearing and somewhat terrifying; a fun little dichotomy. Finding and keeping My Men was difficult because almost all Men have poor modeling or support on how to be a "Good" Man or even what that means.
For myself, the easiest way to gain access to Men was to just be myself. I, like Men, correlated affection, love, and nurturing with sex or sexual acts. It's not that Men are just 'always horny' or that they have 'more of a sex drive than Women'. *literal eye roll* It's that their hearts are located closer to their cocks than their brains are (j/k but not really), which is why they tend to make so many questionable decisions around sex. It's Science. They are trying find the fastest route to feel Love and when aroused they can't think about how exactly to get that need for love met in ways other than sex.
In the math of Relationships, that makes sense to me. There is, of course, a high likelihood that 'sex/sex acts equate(s) to love' is because of my being sexually dishonored (abused) by people that were supposed to "love" me. However, I have had so many incredible, BIG hearted Men that have honored me with their vulnerability and also gifted me with their incredible protective energy during our encounters that to give credit only to the pain and trauma of my sexuality is disrespectful to those that helped heal me with their HEART [hard] Ons.
For me, sex is not just sex, it's a way to convey love to that. specific. person. I curate each sexual interaction by connecting with my partner emotionally immediately upon meeting them (loose attachment love style-which has been dangerous at times as an FYI) evaluating their mood, their level of experience, their emotional intelligence, I learn about their desires, how they respond to touch, how "manly"/masculine they feel, how they relate to women, their mothers, themselves! I also take into consideration how dominant they actually are in comparison to how dominant they feel themselves to be, this gives me my Danger Quotient; which is flexible depending on the male and abled to be influenced by myself during that interaction.
Once all that data is processed and I have qualified them for being my sexual/romantic partner (yes, my pussy has criteria that has to be met) then everything from my hair to the position of my body (on my knees, beside them, standing, etc.) or whether or not I make noise is specifically geared toward making this person feel LOVED not just pleasured or at the very least that they are better able to see more things about themselves to love, by the end of our interaction together. I have watched Men evolve and reach for higher levels of consciousness when their appetite for sex [love] is met.
I have also seen their growth stunted by them having any kind of sexual shame. Sex shame turns off a man's ability to show love with a vulnerable heart; it hardens him and as a result, distances him from the love he is seeking. It's a really heartbreaking cycle that I have watched and had to bow out of for my own self preservation, a few times. Men are frequently painfully unaware of their emotional deficits for a number of reasons, the primary relating to shaming of their emotionality when it is present. Women tend to chastise and become shaming when placed into a maternal role with men in relationship.
If we take a moment to remove the physical gender of the behaviors and instead approach them as Masculine and Feminine energies, that gives us the space and the opportunity to see ourselves in each other which becomes connective instead of divisive. When we focus on trying to hear and empathize during disputes, even if we don't agree, then we maintain and also build upon the connection from the last conflict with that person.
What that allows for is more expansive forms of love beyond just sex which shrinks the deficit and also gives Men the ability to think their way through arousal to more emotionally intimate connection; which can occur within even just one sexual interaction. Instead of having a one stand that leaves you even needing to do a "Walk of Shame" or having to argue your way to orgasm when coupled (you know what I'm talking about) you can walk away knowing that deep care was exchanged; even if you were also let's say [consensually] spanking or choking that person.
We have reached a point however, in our society, where we as Women can no longer acquiesce to lack of introspection, awareness, or the motivation to do either that is pervasive in today's Male. That unfortunately brings us to an impasse, and one, that due to recent events in the United States requires us to start implementing a solution immediately.
Sex, is the most direct way to inspire and effect change, in Men.
Not just the act of sex though, because that can be replicated by silicon, by various forms of machinery and media, by their own really inventive versions of masturbatory aids. It has to be sex that allows them to be so deeply vulnerable, so open, so nurtured that they feel supported and seen enough to become compelled to change. Sacred Sex.
The idea of sex being anything other than functional can be difficult for some men to grasp at first and when they're confused, tend to shut down and retreat emotionally. When they work with someone who can help them acknowledge their Divine Masculinity in those moments of heightened emotionality and get them to stay in it long enough to guide them onto a healing path instead of a destructive one, then they begin to understand the purpose and desire to improve oneself. They want to grow, be seen, and appreciated as much as Women, most just don't have skill set to extrapolate what is being asked for or what is needed from the feminine perspective.
This is where we need to tune into our Divine Feminine, so we can better learn to ask in a way that gets our needs met by the Men that want to love and protect us. It also gives us the ability to guard our boundaries fiercely, when necessary, and if we select our Men properly be supported by their strength without feeling slighted by it. This is the interplay that is out of balance in our current society.
Men, we NEED you to step up and into your Divine Masculine protective strength. We need Men that stand for Justice. We need your gentle, open hearted, fathering. We need you to learn about the sexual prowess that comes with your vulnerability and you respecting our autonomy. We need you to pause just long enough to listen.
For more on You, as a Sacred Male, stayed tuned into this series or you can jump over to my contact page and we can dive deep together.